


Magnus Turns 17, or The One Time Magnus Almost Got to 1st Base with Vilde

by fandomlimb



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Missing Scene, Multi, Spin the Bottle, Vilde is in love with Eva but not quite ready to admit it yet ok???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-09-06 23:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8773111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomlimb/pseuds/fandomlimb
Summary: Magnus Fossbakken woke up on the morning of his 17th birthday with two things on his mind:1. Sex2. BreakfastVilde Lien Hellerud woke up on that same Saturday morning with two things on her mind:1. Eva2. BreakfastThis is the story of Magnus's 17th birthday (which is alluded to in Season 3, Episode 5 and Isak misses because he is with Even).





	1. Family Breakfast

Magnus Fossbakken woke up on the morning of his 17th birthday with two things on his mind:

  1. Sex
  2. Breakfast



He was then struck with a logistical and existential quandary he’d never thought of before: what is it like to have sex with someone _before_ breakfast? If you are basically starving while you are going at it in the morning wouldn’t that make you not be able to concentrate on the task at hand? Would you go really fast to get it over with so you can get some waffles or French toast sooner rather than later? Or is it like when you are really hungry and start exercising and the physical exertion makes you forget the howling empty pit of your stomach?

Then: an epiphany! This is why breakfast in bed and hotel room service were invented. Genius!!! You can eat and get it on at the same time, a total win-win. You could even get kind of kinky with the food if you wanted, like whipped cream and strawberries and all that. Damn.

His mind then drifted to what it would be like to be doing certain kinky food stuff with a certain blonde girl that had been taking up about 85% of his sex-related headspace recently. Then the lyrics to Justin Bieber’s _Boyfriend_ popped into his head and even though liking Justin Bieber is wrong on every imaginable level, at that moment he totally dug the visual of Vilde feeding him chocolate fondue by a cozy fireside. Preferably with both of them naked. On a white bearskin rug. He went with it.

Four minutes later, he was basking in the afterglow of his favorite morning ritual when he remembered: birthday! Fucking sweet.

He cleaned himself up, got out of bed and why the hell not, put on Justin Bieber and got dressed.

* * *

 “Happy birthday honey!!!!”

He was immediately bombarded by a huge bear hug from his mom the minute he stepped into the kitchen.

“Takk Mama.” He hugged her back real tight and kissed her cheek. “What have you been cooking? It smells AMAZE.”

His eyes then took in the post-tsunami countertop littered with about five half-empty mixing bowls, a smattering of cracked egg shells and runny yolks, bags of flour and sugar with their contents strewn idly across every imaginable surface, plus several cutting boards piled with fruit and vegetable skins and pits.

“Planning to feed the troops, huh?” he asked with a wink and then without really thinking about it started piling up the messy bowls and stacking them in the kitchen sink.

“Of course! It’s your special day! This is cause for a celebration. Dad went out to the market for me, he’ll be back soon and then we’ll feast! I made waffles, laggs og eggerøre and of course your special birthday strawberry and cream cake but we can save that for later. Unless you want it now? You’re the birthday boy so you can decide if you want to spoil your breakfast or not. Orange juice or coffee?”  
  
“Thanks so much Mama. I would say you didn’t have to do this but who am I kidding, this is the best birthday breakfast EVER. I love you. Can I have some of the special whipped cream now to put in my coffee?”

* * *

After his dad got back the three of them dug into the meal in earnest. He could tell by the way his mom was talking a mile a minute and laughing a little too much that she was definitely on an upswing but not enough to send off any alarm bells. Sometimes she was just happy for happy’s sake and that was honestly one of the things he loved so much about her.

“My baby is seventeen. Seventeen! I can’t actually believe it. Where does the time go? Just yesterday you were this tiny smushy bundle and now look at you, you look more and more like your papa every day. I told Mo Mo we’d visit her today, she has a gift for you, is that ok? I know you made plans with your friends tonight but is there anything else special you’d like to do today? Isn’t it fun when your birthday falls on a Saturday? You know that when we were little Mo Mo used to let us skip off from school if we wanted on our birthday? She’d let us pick out whatever we wanted to do that day. I always wanted to let you do that but your dad was never so keen on that ritual with you though.” She then took Magnus’s dad’s hand and gave him a little squeeze and a wink.

His dad countered, “Well that’s because it’s like my own mother always said:  _Education is..._ ”

Magnus cut in, “... _Education is the foundation not the vacation._ Yeah yeah I know. And I don’t mind going to school on my birthday. All the girls wish you happy birthday on facebook AND in school, so double bonus.”

“Is there any _special_ girl right now?” his dad asked with a little dancing eyebrow wiggle. Magnus let out a huge gaffaw at what a total dweeb his dad was.

“Ugh dad chill with the eyebrows. But actually. Sort of. Maybe. There’s this one girl but I think she’s a little out of my league.”

“How come?” his mom asked. “You’re smart, you’re handsome, you’ve got a great sense of humor and a great smile. Why would she be out of your league?”

“Well she's kind of type-A? Like seriously type-A, like the type of girl who probably picks all her outfits out for the week in advance and has little sticky labels all over school notebooks that like match up with a hand-written table of contents. I don’t know. She’s really cute though.” Magnus smiled to himself and thought once more about eating chocolate fondue and a canoodling by a cozy fireside with his crush.

“You know when I met your mother I thought, there’s no way this total dish would ever be interested in a dork like me. I mean, just look her: a total babe. And look at me.”

“Oh shush,” his mom said with a cute smile.

“It’s true though. But you know how I won her over? Well you’ve heard this story a million times I don’t have to say it again.”

“No, tell the story Dad, I like it.”

“Ok, twist my arm. We were at uni and your mom was this super star actress extraordinaire. She was getting cast in all the lead roles as a freshman! And everyone who met her fell in love with her immediately. She always had a trail of boys with hearts in their eyes following after her wherever she went, holding her books for her and doing her every bidding.”

“Your dad is exaggerating.”

“No it’s true. And here I was, a Biology and Sciences major, totally clueless in the art of seduction or the ways of love.”

“The ways of love???” Magnus chortled and smacked his hand against his head.

“Yes the ways of love. Your mother and I had one Chemistry class together,” his dad punctuated the word _Chemistry_ with another eyebrow wiggle that had Magnus and his mom both cracking up. “But I might as well have been invisible. I had seen her perform in _A Doll’s House_ and was totally smitten and star struck. She played Nora of course and I am telling you, they should have sent her right then and there to America to make her Broadway debut. She was incredible. And so we had this class together and I wanted to tell her how much I liked her performance but I was a little too nervous. But I had this idea. You know how in the play Nora is obsessed with macaroons? Well I found out which was her lab locker and left her a box of different flavored macaroons for three weeks before getting up the nerve to leave a note asking her out on a date. She said yes thank god. But it wasn’t until our date that she confessed she didn’t couldn’t actually eat any of the macaroons I left for her because detests marzipan.”

Magnus’s mom laughed and swept around to his dad and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

She said to Magnus, “But you know I knew it was him after the first week? My friend worked at the campus sweet shop and totally tipped me off to this cute nerdy boy obsessed with macaroons. I just wanted to see how long it would take for him to actually talk to me.”

Magnus loved this story with his whole heart even though he’d heard it so many times he could recite it from memory.

“So what you’re saying, Dad, is I should stalk Vilde with baked goods?”

“Is that her name, Vilde?” his mom asked.

“Yeah.” Magnus said and felt his cheeks flush ever so slightly.

“Her name means _wild one_  you know, so I'd be careful with that one,” his dad said and gave him a cringe-worthy wink.

“It’s a pretty ironic name for her, now that I think about it.” Magnus smiled to himself at the idea of Vilde transforming before his eyes from straight-laced alpha girl to a wild and crazy one. He kind of loved it.

“Here’s what I think,” his dad continued. “I’m not saying leaving a trail of sweets will work for every woman out there. But there’s nothing wrong with a romantic gesture, however small. Women appreciate that sort of thing.”

“What sort of romantic gesture though? I don’t want to come off as creepy or like I’m obsessed with her.”

His mom answered, “Well you can always just start by asking her questions about herself, listening to her and taking a genuine interest in what she thinks and feels. Sometimes women like that just as much as a big romantic gesture.”


	2. evite

From: Jonas  
To: Isak, Mahdi, Shaun, Alfred, Elias, Eva, Vilde, Chris B, Carl, Sara, Ingrid

_Yo peeps. 2nite is the nite. Magnus's big 17. Game theme. Pregame at my house, then Tilt Arcade for old school pinball and fuseball, finale is ESCAPE ROOM ($25/person)_

_see ya then_

* * *

 

From: Eva  
To: Jonas

_can sana come too? is that weird? she's really good at escape rooms_

* * *

 

From: Jonas  
To: Eva

_the more the merrier, especially females. we have a mission tonight for magnus and vilde. be cool about it tho._

* * *

 

From: Eva  
To: Jonas

_really???? i won't say anything ;)_

* * *

 

From: Jonas  
To: Isak

_hey can you get eskild to get the beer for the pregame for magnus?_

_????_

_???_

_yo lmk about the beer_

* * *

 

From: Vilde  
To: Jonas

_Thanks for the invitation! Are you guys giving presents? Should I bring anything to the pregame?_

* * *

   
From: Jonas  
To: Vilde

_no need to bring anything, just yourself!_


	3. Vilde and the Rainstorm

Vilde Lien Hellerud woke up on that same Saturday morning with two things on her mind:

  1. Eva
  2. Breakfast



That is to say, she wanted a breakfast that could help to lessen her terrible hangover and still be considered somewhat healthy at the same time. She fantasized for a brief second about a sausage, egg and cheese sandwich absolutely dripping with fat and grease before taking a sip from the glass of water on her nightstand, swallowing two ibuprofens and checking her phone. Eva had left the Halloween party with P-Chris (as usual) in a state of total inebriation that Vilde was none too thrilled about (also not so unusual) and Eva had promised to text Vilde when she made it home ok.

But when she turned on her phone there was no text from Eva.

Vilde tried to push away the little stab of worry, hurt and annoyance that rose up in her suddenly. She sent Eva a quick message:

_Hi! Good morning! Did you make it home ok after the party? Let me know. xoxoxo_

She scrolled through their party photos from last night and saw on Instagram that Eva had posted a selfie at 3:43 AM with P-Chris. Vilde got out of bed and wiped away the smudgy raccoon remnants of last night’s mascara. She looked in the mirror and recited her daily positive affirmations:

  1. My body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.
  2. I radiate beauty, charm, and grace.
  3. I acknowledge my own self-worth; my confidence is soaring.
  4. I am well groomed, healthy and full of confidence. My outer self is matched by my inner well being.



For breakfast, she prepared two scrambled egg whites with spinach (no cheese) and a ZenLife Superfood Green Smoothie Mixable™ (also with lots of spinach, but found in powdery freeze-dried form). She put on her workout gear and set off for her morning run, determined to sweat out any of the lingering toxins from the prior evening’s festivities. Halfway through her run it started to rain (as is often the case in Oslo in late autumn) but she did not let it deter her.

She got home, buzzing with energy.

Still no text from Eva, though it was now almost noon.

Another little pang in her chest, which she attributed to the lingering effects of her hangover and intense workout.

In the bathroom before she got in the shower, she undressed and examined her naked body in the mirror. She pinched bits of her stomach fat (mostly out of habit, not meanly or super self-critically, just acknowledging that yes, it was in fact still there). She sucked in her stomach. She got in the shower and lathered, exfoliated, scrubbed, shaved, shampooed, conditioned, rinsed and repeated. She got out of the shower, put on her favorite pink fuzzy bathrobe and enjoyed the warm steam for awhile longer. She blow-dried her hair and misted it with sea-salt spray. She clipped her toenails and plucked her eyebrows. She put on one type of lotion for her face, one for body and one for her feet. She drank more water.

She heard the familiar ding on her phone and felt a split second of relief. But she saw that instead of being from Eva, the message was from Jonas, firming up the plans for that night’s birthday party for Magnus. They’d run into that whole crew at the Halloween party last night and got a verbal invitation for the birthday party tonight. But Vilde had nearly forgotten about it until she saw Jonas’s text, which included a goofy and weird invite of Magnus’s face floating in the clouds surrounded by a bunch of birthday balloons.

Magnus had also been floating and popping up around _Vilde_ a lot more and more lately.

She didn’t quite know what to think about that.

* * *

Saturday, Oct 29, 2016

Dear Diary,

This morning I ran in the rain. When I left the house and headed for St. Hanshaugen I knew that a storm was in the air. Something about the wind, the way it clings to you in a humid caress. There’s a certain lushness and quiet before a storm breaks. Even in a bustling city like ours the noise dampens (not sure if that is the right word, but I mean that the noise gets muted like you are wearing noise-cancelling headphones on an airplane sort of thing) and you can hear the rustle of wind in the treetops like a warning to seek shelter. When I got to the park it began to drizzle so I quickened my pace from a jog to a run. I ran full speed to the bridge and then stopped to catch my breath. I leaned my head over the bridge to watch the passing ripples of water in the shallow creek. I was mesmerized by the swirling reflections and was struck with a thought: water has nothing to carry but itself. And I have to confess, dear journal, that I actually think this may be one of the most profound things I have ever thought. I want to add it to my list of daily affirmations! I think my ZenLife smoothies must be working.

Clumps of fallen leaves collected on the surface of the stream and on the path through the park, reminding me that winter is fast approaching (not that I mind since I do love many of the cozy traditions of the Christmas holidays, but battling seasonal affect disorder caused by the constant gray winter doldrums takes a lot of energy!). The park was littered with brown dead leaves, but also yellow and orange fallen stars (by that I mean yellow leaves but I am in a poetic mood right now). I sprinted hard for another mile and then stopped to rest my ankle, which I think was giving me trouble because of the platform heels I wore for my costume last night (but more on that later!). “R + M” was spray-painted on a rock beside me and I wondered who R and M were and if they are still in love. I hope so! As I sat there, I was overcome by an incredible stillness—not a bird or insect made a single sound!—and I realized this was the final moment before the storm was going to hit in earnest. Then the wind began to bellow and there was a great rustle of leaves and a low grumble and hissing filled the air. Then it really began to pour. I felt so invigorated and ran as fast as I could. I imagined I was in a movie like _The Notebook_ and I was sprinting as hard as I could to be reunited with my true love. (Whoever that is! Seriously, it's like _come out come out wherever you are_ I am tired of waiting for Prince Charming for goodness sake). I felt like I was running harder and faster than ever before. I was slick and soaked and wet, but all my strenuous efforts were washed away by the rainstorm. (Like literally as well as metaphorically because the rain did wash away my gross sweat). I felt renewed and happy. Is that what it feels like to fall truly in love?

Now I am home and have some time to kill before the evening’s activities so I will tell you all about Halloween last night. Though Halloween is technically on Monday, the big school-wide party was last night so everyone could essentially get completely trashed and be festive without worrying about a crippling hangover for a school night. (Though I would in an ideal world prefer the party to fall on the actual holiday I agree that a Monday night rager is not in everyone’s best interest for excelled academic performance). I want to recount to you all about our Halloween costumes because I am very proud that they were my idea and everyone agreed to it! Eva, Noora, Sana, Chris and I were all dressed up as...<dramatic drum roll>….

…….THE SPICE GIRLS!!!

We did a really excellent job recreating the costumes and personality/spice of each of the members. (And although I am of course sad that things do not appear to be going so great right now with Noora and William, it was extra special that there were five of us to be the five complete Spice Girls!). As usual it took Noora a little convincing that the Spice Girls are in fact feminist icons and the costumes would not be demeaning because the Spice Girls wear form-fitting clothes (I mean, hello! they practically invented Girl Power!!). But I convinced her by reciting all the lyrics to “Wannabe” and she could not argue that Spice Girls are in fact all about female friendship and empowerment.

I was Baby Spice, Eva was Ginger Spice, Sana was Sporty Spice, Chris was Crazy Spice and Noora was Posh Spice. So perfect, right??? I wore my hair up in two high pigtails. I wore a fuzzy white sweater, a pink miniskirt, white knee socks and chunky platforms. I wore light pink lipstick from Mac and silvery sparkly eye shadow. I felt very cute and sexy and confident!

Everyone’s costumes came out really well but Eva was especially perfect as Ginger Spice. Whenever Eva puts on makeup it actually sort of takes my breath away. Without makeup she is obviously naturally beautiful, she looks like she stepped right out of an Impressionist style painting. I can just picture Jack from _Titanic_ asking to sketch her on the streets of Paris. And then she puts on party clothes and makeup and it is so….fierce! We put red streaks in her hair (wash-out of course) and made a DIY Union Jack tshirt (having puffy paint and other crafting supplies on hand for my journals and scrap books really does come in handy in a costume pinch!). And she wore a sparkly red miniskirt that on another girl could have looked too slutty but she really pulled off the whole look and it showed off all of her lovely curves and whatnot. Noora wore one of her many turtlenecks but we also convinced her to wear a black wig to complete the Posh Spice look. Sana wore track pants and a jersey and was a totally badass Sporty Spice. Chris managed to find about five different types of leopard/cat print pieces (all from her own closet!) for her Crazy Spice look.

We all pregamed and got ready together at Eva’s house and put on Spice Girls music to pump us up. It was great, especially since Chris has been so obsessed with Kasper that we hardly see her anymore without him. And Noora taking the semester off from school has also made it a little hard recently for us all to be together at the same time. I felt really good in my costume. Like, extra pretty and sexy and flirty. We got to the party, it was totally packed! There were cobwebs and other Halloween-y type decorations (I would rate the decorations about a 5 because they were not terribly original but they did have a table where you could put on a blindfold and stick your hand in a bowl of eyeballs (peeled grapes) and brains (spaghetti?) so I have to give the party planners credit for that).

The only thing is that almost as soon as we got there Eva and P-Chris started grinding and Chris B and Kasper started going at it at well, and I just felt, I don’t know, like, we were supposed to be all in it together, like “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”, right? Halloween is supposed to be the one night where you can really break out of your own shell and be someone else, but I felt more myself than ever somehow. And I’m not jealous that Eva and Chris (and Noora kind of?) have all found boyfriends (though I really doubt P-Chris would ever call himself Eva’s boyfriend, I am mean their lips are vacuum suctioned to each other at every party we go to but has he taken her out on any real, romantic dates? Has he shown her that he is not a fuckboy player after all and that he deserves someone as great as Eva? I highly doubt it). But I am so happy for them, really.

Anyway, we ran into Jonas and those guys too at the party. And Magnus was there, he was dressed as the “Damn Daniel” guy, which really, can you say laziest costume ever?! Anyone with white Vans can do that costume. But I still thought it was kind of cute. We’re invited to his birthday tonight, I have to decide what to wear. Eva should be coming to the party too, but since she hasn’t texted me back (grrrrrr) I can only assume that she is coming to the party and not passed out in a canal somewhere.

Also, at one point that first year girl Emma from kosegruppa came up to me and Sana all concerned asking if I'd seen Isak anywhere? I was like, _no, haven't seen him, it's not like we are bffs or anything_  and she was almost on the verge of tears. I felt kind of bad for her but not actually _that_ bad because hello, she is a first year and if she had actually gone after another first year like she was supposed to instead of throwing herself at the boys in our class then maybe he wouldn't have bailed on her. I know that is mean but I guess I was just in a pissy mood for some reason.

I didn't hook up with anyone at the party but that is ok, because I still felt pretty, got completely wasted and had a great time with my friends.

Ok, that is all for now. Thanks diary, I really needed to vent a little bit!!

Love, me (Vilde) 


	4. Party Prep

From: Eva  
To: Vilde

_hey girl sry just saw ur texts…little bit of a rough morning to say the least. made it home in one piece all good xo_

From: Vilde  
To: Eva

_I figured that was the case but I was still worried! Do you want to get ready for Magnus’ birthday party together and pregame?_

From: Eva  
To: Vilde

_i think im still drunk from last night...need to nap a little more if im gonna be up for tonight_

From: Vilde  
To: Eva

_Ok. I’ll come over to your house and we can walk over there together. I don’t want to go into the party alone!_

From: Eva  
To: Vilde

_ok cool. love you!_

 

* * *

 

“Dudes, you are geniuses. This is like my dream come true! I feel like I’ve died and gone to what I thought heaven looked like when I was seven.”

Magnus looked around Jonas’s living room. In addition to copious amounts of colorful streamers taped with haphazard nonchalance across the walls and ceiling, several game stations were set up and at the ready. A “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” poster (with a photo of Magnus’s face covering a crucial part of the animal’s anatomy) was taped up to the wall beside a cooler stocked with frozen popsicles and a long rope with a clothespin attached to it for the traditional “Fishing for Ice Cream” game. Jonas and Mahdi had even moved the couch to the side of the room to make space for an indoor Kubb set as well as a “Twister” board.

Magnus hugged his friends and said, “You guys really went all out with the game theme. Tonight is going to be epic!”

Jonas said, “Well you only turn seventeen-going-on-seven once. We thought we might as well make a night of it.”

The three of them opened their beers, clinked their glass bottles together and said “Sko!” in unison before taking long swigs from their drinks.

Mahdi said, “And make sure you save an empty. We have plans for that later, too.”

“You mean like recycling?” Magnus asked. Mahdi’s comment clearly had gone straight over his head. Jonas suppressed an eyeroll and Mahdi cracked up.

“Dude, I was talking about Spin the Bottle.”

“Ohhhh nice!” Magnus said. Then a look of slight panic crossed his face. “Do you know if Vilde is coming?”

“She texted me that she was…” Jonas said with a little smirk.

Magnus exhaled and asked, “How do I look? What do you think of this shirt? Should I have worn something fancier?” Magnus was wearing a tshirt that said “Crows Before Hoes” in Medieval-ish font (a reference to _GOT_ , his favorite tv show).

Jonas clamped his shoulder encouragingly and said, “Yeah, you look good tonight, man.”

“Thanks, dude. Woooh! Tonight is the night, I can feel it. I’ve got the birthday magic on my side. Where’s Isak, by the way?”

“Dunno he’s being all weird again, hasn’t responded to my texts or calls when I asked him about getting beer. Something might be up with his mom again but he hasn’t told me anything,” Jonas said.

“That’s weird. Do you think we should go over to his place later and see what’s up?” Magnus asked.

“I’m not sure. Something’s been kind of off with him lately, not sure what though.”

The boys didn’t have too much longer to dwell on the MIA status of their friend because then the doorbell rang. They turned up some music, opened the door to greet their first guests and got the party rolling.

 

* * *

 

Vilde stood in front of the full-length mirror in Eva’s room, applying some final touches to her makeup. Eva was in a miniskirt and bra, deciding which top to wear. She kept holding one top up then another, and then discarded them in an ever-increasing pile on her bed.

“I think I’m going through one of those phases where I hate every item of clothes I own. I can’t decide what looks good anymore. Pick for me?” she asked Vilde.

Vilde was trying not to look at her directly, but kept a close eye in the mirror’s reflection while she refined her makeup. She had already put on about 10 layers of mascara. “I like your style, what’s wrong with those tops?”

“All my clothes are either too tomboy or too tight and young-looking. When Jonas and I were together I think I subconsciously dressed in a way he liked and now…I don’t know. They make me feel like I’m still fifteen sometimes.”

“You should have told me before I got here, I would have brought something for you to borrow.”

“Thanks but I don’t know if pastels work with my coloring the way they do with yours. You know what? I’m going to grab something of my mom’s. Be right back.”

Eva went up the stairs. Vilde took the opportunity to look through the discarded pile and she picked up the DIY Union Jack shirt they’d made for the costume party the night before. Vilde smiled. The shirt smelled like Eva, which was like cloves? or teakwood? Some mixture of the amber-scented candles Eva loved to burn in her room, plus her deodorant/laundry soap and the inscrutable Eva-only smell that reminded Vilde of camping or firewood, only much sweeter.

She heard a ding. Eva’s phone was sitting on the bed and Vilde saw that a message from P-Chris had come through. She listened closely to make sure that Eva wasn’t on her way back to the steps before picking up the phone to see what had come up on the lock screen.

_thx for the perfect nite here is something for u to think about when u are alone in bed 2nite and missing me_

The photo attached to the text was only a small square thumbnail but that was enough to send so much blood to Vilde’s face that the rouge she had so diligently applied to her cheeks was rendered totally unnecessary. Her heart thrashed uncomfortably. She felt lightheaded and wanted a drink of water. She quickly put the phone back down and half-covered it with a piece of clothing before going to Eva's bathroom and pouring a glass of water. She felt better, though still a little dizzy and queazy in her stomach. She took a few breaths and went back out to resume her position by the mirror.

A few moments later Eva came back down holding one of her mother’s expensive button-up blouses. It was made of a sheer white material and the collar was black velvet.

“What do you think about this blouse?”

“Ohh I like it!" Vilde said maybe a little too cheerily. "It reminds me of something Noora would wear?”

“Perfect! That’s exactly what I thought, too.”

Eva unclasped the bra she was wearing, threw it on the pile on the bed and went rooting through her closet for a different one. Vilde's heart was clamoring like a stampede of horses but she steadily applied layer after layer of lipstick, blotted it, removed it, and started the ritual over again. The closer she scrutinized her own face the less she could be distracted by the curve of Eva's waist and the smooth lines of her bare shoulder blades.

“What’s wrong with the bra you just had on? I thought it was pretty. I like the little embroidered flowers.”

“I’m looking for this kind of lacy black one. I think if I wear it under my mom’s top it will be like, mature and sexy at the same time. Oh good, found it.”

Eva’s back was turned to Vilde as she put the bra on and reached her arms behind her back to fasten it. Vilde wanted to step over and help Eva clasp it but she did not move. She noticed the little pink indented lines where the first bra Eva had been wearing had pressed into her skin. She quickly counted the moles on Eva’s back: six. 

Eva put the white blouse on, tucked it into her black miniskirt, and then stood next to Vilde to examine her reflection in the mirror.

“I like this, what do you think?” Eva asked.

“Hmmm. Maybe put your hair up in a high topknot. And wear those shiny black tights you have and your black ankle-boots. And that bright pink lip color. That pop of pink will look great with all the black and white.”

“Is this too stodgy? Like it's my first day at an office job or something?”

“If you were my officemate I don’t know if I would get much done if I saw you wearing that see-through top.”

Vilde had said it without thinking and was momentarily horrified. But Eva was apparently too caught up in assembling the rest of her outfit to notice the extra pink that flooded Vilde’s cheeks. 

Eva laughed. “You know, I kind of always fantasized about falling in love with someone at work like Jim and Pam do in _The Office_.”

“You know I can’t stand that show. First of all, it’s not even funny! Everyone is horrible and mean.”

“That's not true! But I know it’s not your sense of humor. But: Jim. I mean, he’s perfect.”

“You just like guys with floppy hair.”

Eva threw a pillow at Vilde good-naturedly.

“Do not!”

“You definitely have a floppy-haired fetish. Speaking of. I heard your phone buzz when you were upstairs.”

Eva picked up her phone and burst out laughing the minute she saw what Chris had sent her.

“What is it?” Vilde asked innocently.

“Just a dick pic from Chris.”

“Do you usually send him photos back?”

“Sometimes.”

“Eva! You know you really shouldn’t do that. Think of all the horror stories about girls whose lives are ruined because people repost their photos on revenge porn sites. It’s not safe!”

“I know that, Vilde. Don't worry, I never put my face in them. Besides, I trust Chris.”

“Really?” Vilde had to try really hard to keep the disdain from dripping out of her voice.

“After all we went through first year, we’ve reached this point where it’s just...good. No drama. No stress. And the sex…mmmm...” 

Vilde covered her ears. “Don’t want to know!”

“Yeah, ok ok, I know you can’t stand the gory details. You almost ready?”

Vilde looked at herself in the mirror. Then at the pile of Eva’s clothes on the bed. A flash of red sequins caught her eye. She realized that what she was wearing tonight wasn't all that different from the pastel Baby Spice costume she had worn the night before. (Minus the pigtails and platform shoes).

“You know, I kind of hate what I’m wearing, too. All my clothes are so girly…and goody-goody two shoes.”

“Ohhh….do I hear make-over? Fun!”

“I like that skirt you wore last night. The red one.”

“The Ginger Spice skirt? Really? That’s not your style at all.”

“Well maybe it’s time for me to try something new.”


	5. Sparkly 70s Disco Person

The party had been going for over an hour and every time the doorbell rang Magnus got a little jolt of nervous excitement in the pit of his stomach. With each successive arrival of a group of friends that did _not_ include Vilde he got even more jittery with nerves. Which led him to try and calm said nerves by drinking more. That—coupled with everyone wanting to wish him a happy birthday with a shot or a chug of beer—led to him being much much much drunker than he had intended to be by the time Eva and Vilde finally arrived.

He opened the door and practically plowed them both over with a bear hug.

“Hi!! Welcome to my party!!! Come in come in. Wow so great you two are coming. I mean, great you came. So great.”

“Happy birthday!” Eva said.

Vilde handed him a card. “Yes, happy birthday, Magnus. Thanks for inviting us. That’s just a little card for you.”

Magnus’s face was bright red from drinking but he felt another rush of warmth to his cheeks. He held the card as if it was a delicate baby bird. He looked up to Vilde with wide eyes.

“Wow. A real card. From you. Wow. That’s just. S’really nice. Can I open?”

“Oh! If you’d like.”

He tore open the card. It had a cartoon of a two dice with faces and a speech bubble that said _Happy Birthday! Let the Good Times Roll!_ Magnus burst out laughing, a little too loudly in proportion to the actual hilarity of the pun.

“Let the good times roll….classic…”

Vilde said, “Sorry it’s so corny, it was the only one I could find with any sort of game theme.”

“It’s the best card I’ve ever gotten! I will frame it!”

Vilde’s looked at the floor, smiling, pleased but a little embarrassed by Magnus’s drunken over-enthusiasm.

“Oh! Look there’s Jonas, gonna say hi. I’ll be right back!” Eva said and bolted away.

Magnus and Vilde looked at each other. Then Magnus slapped his forehead and said “Oh sorry I’m being a dickish host! May I take your coat, m’lady?”

Magnus immediately cursed himself internally for being such a lame-o ( _m’lady_???). He overcompensated by trying to help Vilde off with her coat but in his clumsy-drunk state was not doing the most effective job of it.

“Oh! Thank you. Erm. Sorry, let me just. My arm is stuck.”

“Sorry.”

"Ouch! Sorry that was my hair."

"Shit, sorry. Here I'll just let you..."

When Vilde finally excavated herself from her coat and handed it to Magnus, he almost bowled over in surprise. She was wearing Eva’s sequined red miniskirt, shimmery tights, and a sparkly black asymmetrical top with cutouts at the shoulders and midriff.

“Wow! You look…wow. You’re so sparkly!!” Magnus said and did not do a good job of hiding his appreciative once-over of Vilde’s full form. Vilde smiled at the ground.

He continued, “But sorry I guess Jonas didn’t tell you it’s not a costume party?”

The momentary bubble of confidence Vilde had felt rising in her chest as Magnus complimented her immediately burst.

“Excuse me?”

“Your Halloween costume? Are you like, a sparkly 70s disco person?”

It took Vilde a second to realize what he meant. When she did, she was hit by a wave of embarrassment and something else in the realm of shame and self-loathing.

“This isn’t a costume.”

“Oh. OH.” Magnus tried to cover up his mistake but he could tell he had really shoved his foot in it by the way Vilde had narrowed her eyes into slits and was looking at him like he'd just punched the world's last remaining panda cub before they go extinct. “I’m sorry! It’s just. You always are in pink. I mean, you look gorgeous I just didn’t know you had clothes like this. I’m a total idiot.”

Vilde had never felt more mortified. She felt the start of tears prickling in her eyes but willfully ignored them. "I'm going to just see what Eva is up to. Excuse me." She spun around, determined to get away from Magnus—and this party—as soon as she possibly could.


	6. You know how pretty you are, right?

Vilde saw Eva chatting with Jonas on the other side of the room. She made a beeline for her, grabbed onto her elbow and said quietly into her ear so Jonas wouldn’t be able to hear her, “Can you come with me to the bathroom with me for a sec?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

Vilde just shook her head and scrunched up her face. She knew she was probably overreacting but couldn’t help the voice inside her telling her she was small and worthless and stupid.

Eva excused herself from Jonas and allowed Vilde to lead her into the bathroom down the hall. Once the door was closed, Vilde sat down on the edge of the bathtub and allowed hot tears to roll freely down her cheeks.

Eva sat down beside her and said, “Hey, what’s the matter? What happened?”

Vilde just shook her head again and let out a squeaky sob. Eva wrapped her arm around Vilde’s shoulder, pulled her into a hug, and said quietly, “It’s ok. Just breathe.”

Vilde leaned into her friend, rested her head on her shoulder and let herself enjoy the comfort of Eva stroking her hair and rubbing smooth circles into her back and shoulders while she let herself cry. Vilde breathed in Eva’s woodsy amber perfume and felt the squirming knot in her stomach begin to relax. Vilde’s hands were clenched in tight fists in her lap and she didn’t realize she was digging her fingernails so deeply into her palms until she felt the pressure of Eva’s hand on top of her own. She let her fingers slide in between Eva's.

Vilde hated herself for having such a thin skin sometimes and for crying so easily over trivial things. She remembered one of her earliest humiliations: when she had cried in front of her whole class in grade 2 when she got eliminated on her first turn during an adding/subtraction challenge game. It was just a game, not even a graded test or homework assignment, but she spent the rest of the day in tears about it. She couldn’t explain to her teachers or later her mom why she was so upset. But deep down she knew it was because she wasn’t good enough. She was a loser. She knew that by age eight.

Vilde dismissed the memory and collected herself. She exhaled and wiped her eyes and cheeks. Without lifting her head she asked Eva in a near-whisper, “Can you switch skirts with me?”

Vilde’s voice was so quiet Eva wasn’t quite sure she’d heard her right at first.

“Switch skirts? What? Why?”

“I know I’m being stupid, but Magnus said he thought I was wearing a Halloween costume.”

“What???”

“He said he thought I was a disco dancer from the 70s.”

“God he’s an idiot. I’m so sorry, Vilde. You saw how drunk he was, right? You look totally hot tonight! Don’t let what he said upset you so much."

“You really think I look hot? Not stupid?”

“Hello! I wore that skirt last night so if you look stupid I looked stupid, too. But that’s not the point because neither of us look stupid. You look sexy as hell. We both do.”

Vilde laughed and it turned into a little hiccup.

“Really?”

“No shit.” Eva lifted up Vilde’s chin so their eyes could meet. “You know how pretty you are, right, Vilde?”

Vilde looked back down at the floor and nestled her head further into Eva’s shoulder.

“I know I’m…ok looking. I mean, yeah, sure, I’m cute or whatever. But cute is not sexy.”

“What do you mean cute is not sexy? It’s not like they’re mutually exclusive."

“Then how come Magnus said that?”

“What did he say exactly?”

“Well he was surprised I was wearing such sparkly clothes. He thought they were a 70s costume. He said he thought I looked gorgeous but not myself, I guess.”

“He said you looked gorgeous?”

“Yeah.”

“So that’s not a terribly awful thing to hear, is it?”

“No, I guess not.”

“So why do you think you got so upset?”

“I guess, I just felt dumb and silly, like a poser. Like I was trying too hard to be someone I’m not.”

“Such as...?”

“Such as...you, I guess?”

“Me? Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean. You looked so fierce on Halloween. I just thought, maybe if I were more like you guys would pay attention to me more or something.”

“Ah, Vilde.” Eva pulled Vilde in close and wrapped both arms around her, squeezing tight. “Only you would end up in tears in the bathroom at a party because a guy who has a crush on you can’t believe how incredibly sick and sexy you look and tells you how gorgeous you are. That’s just one of the things I love about you.”

Vilde’s cheeks burned and suddenly the bathroom felt like a sauna, all hot and close and almost suffocating. She untangled herself from Eva. “How do you know Magnus has a crush on me? Did Jonas say something?”

“Let’s just say…it has been definitely clearly implied.”

Vilde felt the pressure build behind her eyes again. The panic pushing up to the surface. She felt her chin quivering and she tried desperately to shut it all down before Eva noticed. Too late. She felt another stream of tears roll down her cheeks.

“What’s the matter now? Isn’t that a good thing? That Magnus likes you?” Eva wiped away Vilde's tears for her.

“Of course it’s a good thing.”

Eva tucked a strand of Vilde’s hair behind her ear. “Then why do you look like you are throwing a funeral for your dead pet bunny or something?”

“I don’t have a pet bunny.”

“I know that, it’s a metaphorical pet bunny.”

“I don’t know. I’m fine. Jonas really said that? That Magnus likes me?”

“Well he texted me ‘ _we have a mission tonight for Magnus and Vilde, don’t tell her’_ and then when I was talking to him before you came up to me he said how Magnus basically won’t shut up about you. So yeah, I think there’s not a lot of room for interpretation there. He’s into you!”

Vilde looked down at the floor again. Everything was spinny. It was probably just the wine she’d had with Eva before they arrived.

Eva continued, “But that only matters if you like him back. Do you like him?”

“Sure, yeah, he’s cute. And he seems nice and funny. Maybe not the brightest bulb in the box…”

“He did put his foot in it with that idiotic costume comment. You should make him work for it now.”

“Work for it?”

“Yeah, don’t let him off easy. Let him know you are a prize piece. Make him show us if he’s actually worthy of you.”

Vilde smiled. “There’s my girl,” Eva said. “Now let’s fix your runny ass eye makeup and get drunk.”

Vilde wished the two of them could stay there in the bathroom together all night.


	7. Sorry I Was Such An -->

_Crappity crap, crapola bar, crap on a shit stick._

Magnus knew he’d fucked up. He watched Vilde lead Eva head down the hall just as Jonas shot him a _WTF dude?_ look from where he was standing across the room. Magnus joined his friend and hung his head low in a display of truly dejected despair.

Jonas said, “Dude. What could have possibly said in the .5 seconds you were standing there to make Vilde so upset, man?”

“Uch….fuuuuuuuck. I thought. Just. I think I really screwed up. I told her I thought she was wearing a disco Halloween costume. Is that bad?”

Jonas covered his eyes, shook his head and said, “Dude. Why would you say that?”

“I was surprised! She looks different tonight. Like all glittery and super sexy and slinky and shit. And it’s not that crazy, I mean, Halloween isn’t until Monday so maybe there are more costume parties tonight! I dunno. Should I go and apologize?”

“Let Eva talk to her first. Then definitely, yeah, say you’re sorry.”

Mahdi joined them.“’Sup, I saw your lady arrived a minute ago, you gonna get on that or what?”

Magnus sighed heavily. Jonas shook his head again and said, “He somehow already managed to cockblock himself.”

“What the fuck, man? What happened?”

Magnus groaned and said, “Well she was wearing this really tight skirt and stuff and I got distracted because it was all Studio 54 meets Sparkle Motion meets Jessica Rabbit and since it’s not what she normally wears I kind of asked her if it was a Halloween costume.”

Mahdi blew air out of his lips and said, “Yikes. That was not smart, dude.”

“I know it wasn’t smart, I wasn’t thinking straight! I’m not firing on all cylinders right now.”

“Well you better sober your ass up if you want to recover from that and actually stand a chance of hooking up with her tonight.”

“It’s really that bad?”

“Ummm…yeah?”

“I’m going to go apologize.”

Jonas said, “Just give it another minute.”

“Ok ok.” Magnus chewed on his bottom lip for about three seconds and said, “Fuck, I can’t wait any longer. I’m gonna go say sorry.”

He approached the bathroom and put his ear to the closed door. He was horrified when he heard what he was 99% sure was the muffled sound of Vilde crying.

_Fuuuucccckk. Please let that not be her crying. Please please please. I can't believe this is happening. She's crying. I actually made her cry. Please stop crying. I’m never opening my mouth again. I’m taking a vow of silence. I’m joining one of those silent Buddhist monasteries until I learn not to be such a total dumbass._

He debated knocking on the door and thought better of it. He chewed his lip and strained to try and hear what they were saying but then felt like a weird pervy eavesdropping creepster.

He remembered his dad’s story from earlier that morning about women loving romantic gestures. A regular apology wouldn’t work. He was in code red territory right now. He needed a grand fucking romantic gesture. Fast! He wracked his brain about what was here at the party he could possibly use to aid him. But he was up shit creek without a paddle because there were no boxes of candy or chocolates he could give her, just the cooler of ice cream and the booze and all the decorations. Besides how weird would that be if he shoved a box of chocolates at her when she was still probably hating his guts and drenched in fresh tears? _What else, what else?_  He could go _Love, Actually_ style and write her a big apology note on pieces of poster board?! Girls go ape shit for that movie for some god damn reason. But yeah right, it's not like Jonas would have extra big pieces of poster board just lying around. 

_I’m such an ass. I’m such an ass. I’m such an ass._

And then: inspiration! The “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” poster (where his friends had portrayed him quite literally as an ass). _This could work._ He ran to the main room and tore the poster off the wall and hurriedly asked Jonas for a marker — stat!! He ignored the funny looks all his guests were now shooting him and ran back to the bathroom hallway. He taped the poster up on the wall facing the bathroom door and wrote in big bold letters:

**Dear Vilde, Sorry I Was Such An -- >**

(The arrow he drew pointed to the donkey’s rear end).

He also drew a little speech bubble coming out of the photo of his face Jonas had taped to the poster and wrote:

**(Also sorry for this _ass_ -tonishingly _ass_ -inine apology). Forgive me?**

It was no bouquet of red roses or box of chocolates, but he knew the girls would see it as soon as they opened the bathroom door and it was about the best he could do right now. He was too nervous to wait for them to come out so he left the poster where it was, rejoined the party, and hoped it would do the trick.


	8. 99% Confirmed Crush

Vilde and Eva stepped out of the bathroom a few minutes later and were greeted immediately by Magnus’s apology poster.

“Oh my god!” Eva turned to Vilde and said, “Ok, this is probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Vilde looked at the poster and felt her cheeks flush. She read the corny puns and smiled.

_He must actually really like me. He’s a sweet guy. A semi-oafish but still sweet guy. A nice sweet guy with a 'definitely clearly implied' crush on me._

The squirmy sensation inside her stomach was a good thing. It meant she liked him back, right?

Eva nudged Vilde and said, “Ok, he won back a few points with this stunt but we’re still not going to let him off that easy, right, Vilde?”

Vilde nodded and Eva gave her a squeeze around the shoulder.

“Let’s take this poster down, though,” Vilde said. “I don’t want anyone to see it and start asking questions. I’ve been mortified enough already tonight.” They tore down the poster, folded it up and stuffed it in a hallway linen and towel closet. They entered the main living room and saw that Chris and Sana had arrived to the party while they were in the bathroom. And she saw Magnus in the opposite corner of the room, fidgeting and darting glances at her nervously.

She looked at him.

He looked back at her.

He mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

She crinkled her nose and shrugged her shoulders.

He smiled back with relief.

Chris and Sana approached them and Chris said, “We were wondering where you two were. What’s up, amigos? You drinking or what?”

Eva said, “Not yet, we got a little sidetracked. It doesn’t look like they have wine, do you want something else, Vilde?”

“Is there just beer? Blech.”

“There’s some vodka and OJ,” Chris said.

“Done and done,” Eva said and headed straight to the table of booze.

Sana looked at Vilde’s outfit and asked, “What are you wearing? Isn’t that Eva’s skirt from her costume last night?”

Vilde pulled down her skirt a little and said, “Yes, so what?”

“Nothing. It looks good on you.” Sana smiled at her friend but in the way Vilde knew meant something more than she was actually saying.

“I like this skirt. Eva said I looked hot. What's wrong with it?”

“Nothing's wrong with it.”

“You don’t like it?”

“I said you looked good.”

Chris said, “Yeah I’m getting some major DTF vibes from you. Foxy lady.”

Vilde pursed her lips and said, “If ‘DTF’ you mean _dazzling…tough…feminist_ than yes, you are exactly correct.”

“No I meant _down to fuck_.”

“Ugh, Chris. There is going to be no 'eff-ing _'_ tonight.” 

“What, why not? No offense girl but we need to shake you out of your dry spell. Isn’t that why we’re here?” Chris circled her hand around her mouth and said in an announcer voice, “Attention ladies and gentlemen! Please send any hot easy men this way! Single-file please! One at a time!”

Vilde grabbed Chris’ hand and talk-whispered, “Shhh he’ll hear you!”

Sana raised an eyebrow. “He?”

Vilde’s face flushed and she involuntarily looked over to where Magnus was standing with Jonas on the other side of the room. Their eyes met and she looked away to the floor immediately. She looked back up. His eyes were still on her.

Eva joined them again and handed Vilde a plastic cup filled nearly to the top.

“Cheers!”

Everyone but Sana clinked their plastic cups. Vilde downed her vodka-OJ in a few gulps.

Chris said, “Easy cowgirl!”

Eva asked, “Did you tell them what happened before they got here?”

Sana countered immediately, “What happened?”

Vilde wanted to forget the whole thing. “It’s no big deal. I got upset over something Magnus said but I’m over it. He apologized.”

“What did he say to you?” Sana asked in a way that Vilde knew could mean big trouble for Magnus.

Vilde took a breath and said, “He asked if I was wearing a disco Halloween costume.”

Sana’s mouth dropped open. Chris, on the other hand, spit some of her drink out and burst out laughing.

Vilde smacked Chris’ shoulder. “It’s not funny Chris!”

“Oh c’mon. It’s funny. And Sana said, like, the exact same thing.”

“It’s not the same. It doesn’t count with Sana.”

“Thanks?” Sana said.

“No, I just mean, like. Let’s just drop it. Eva, want another drink?”

“I’m still working on this one.”

“Ok, I’ll be back.”

Vilde made her way over to the drink table. _Legs still steady. Room not spinning yet._ _I’m fine_. She poured herself a half-cup of vodka and started filling the rest with OJ when she felt a tap on her shoulder that startled her into almost spilling her drink all over herself. Magnus was standing right next to her.

“Shit sorry didn’t mean to scare you. Shit I’m really 0 for 0 tonight. Hi. Again.”

“Hi,” she said.

Neither spoke for a long moment. Looking at him was a lot harder than Vilde thought it would be. She stared at her shoes instead, or rather, Eva’s shoes. They were sparkly and strappy and pinched like hell. She didn’t know why she’d chosen them, they weren’t her style at all. Magnus was right, what he said earlier. No, screw that, she could wear whatever the hell she wanted to. She took a breath and realized she maybe shouldn’t have downed her drink so fast. And maybe her feelings were still a little hurt, after all.

“I’m sorry—” he said at the same time that she said, “Thanks for the—”

The tension broke and she said, “You go first.”

“I’m sorry for earlier,” he said.

“That’s ok. Apology accepted. I liked your poster.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok. Sweet.”

“You can consider this your one-time-only Get Out of Jail Free card.”

Magnus wiped his brow theatrically and said, “Phew.”

“The poster reminded me of this thing my grandmom would always say when I was little, _‘When you assume you make an ass of u and me’_ …”

“Huh?” It took Magnus a second. “Ass of…you and me…ahhhh….I get it. That’s good. I’m going to use that.”

Vilde smiled and met his eyes at last. Magnus beamed at her in such a hopeful way that it was almost painful. She took a big gulp of her drink as Jonas and Mahdi came up to them. Mahdi was holding an empty beer bottle. “Hey, so…we’re thinking of getting a game of Spin the Bottle going. Whaddya say? You two in? What about your friends, Vilde? Will they join, too?”

Magnus gave her an imploring look that reminded her of a whimpering puppy in the window of a pet store. Vilde felt a slight panic rise in her. Magnus liked her. The way he was looking at her now, his eyes practically pleading with her, she knew he wanted her to play the game and he wanted to kiss her. His crush on her jumped from 'definitely clearly implied' to 99% confirmed. She felt flattered, actually. Flattered and panicked. 

“Um, well, you know Sana is Muslim, so she can’t kiss anyone. So I don’t want to leave her out. Sorry.”

Mahdi pursed his lips. “Shit.”

Jonas said, “We can change the rules, though? People can still play if they don’t want to kiss anyone if we turn it into a Truth or Dare type game? I’ve done that before. You spin the bottle and you can either kiss the person it lands on or you can do a Truth or Dare instead. Would that work for her, you think?”

“Um, I’ll ask her. You can start without us, though.”

Vilde left the boys and headed back over to her friends. _Legs a little wobbly now. Not seeing double. I’m fine._

Vilde said, “We don’t have to stay at this party much longer if you guys want to head out. It’s not like we’re super close with Magnus anyway.”

“We just got here, what’s up? Did he just say something stupid to you again?” Sana asked and shot dagger eyes in Magnus’s direction.

“Why is everyone getting in a circle?” Eva asked.

“Um, they’re playing Spin the Bottle. I explained about Sana and they’re changing the rules so you can kiss the person or do a Truth or Dare instead. But it’s stupid. We don’t have to stay.”

“What do you mean, you explained about me?”

“Just…I explained that you can’t kiss anyone. And so you might feel left out of the game.”

“Vilde, we’ve been over this before. I can kiss anyone I want if I choose to. And I can choose to play any game I want to or not. But thanks.”

Chris said, “I’m down to play. And we’re not leaving, you crazy fool,” she said to Vilde. “Kissing someone besides your boyfriend is totally allowed if it’s a game, right, Eva?

Eva said, “Fuck yeah. What Chris doesn’t know can’t hurt him.”

Vilde said, “Since when is Chris your boyfriend?”

“We don’t do labels. Come on, let’s get this party going for real.”

So the girls joined up the circle. Vilde ended up sitting right next to Eva. And right across from Magnus.


	9. Spin the Bottle

“Ladies, so glad you decided to join us!” Mahdi said as the girls sat down in the circle. “Here are the rules since we have a more “loose” interpretation of the game. If you spin the bottle and it lands on someone they can either choose to 1. Kiss you 2. Do a Truth or Dare 3. Go straight to Seven Minutes in Heaven if you both are feeling it or 4. Take a selfie with your favorite body part of Magnus’s and tag him on Instagram with why you love him in the caption. Gotta give the birthday boy as much love and action as possible. Sound good? Work for everyone?”

Cheers and whoops went up from the group.

“Ok, Magnus, the b-day boy, go for it.”

Magnus peaked up at Vilde through the blonde hair that partially covered his eyes. Vilde thought, _His hair looks soft and pretty, almost like girl bangs. It would look cute with a little bow. We could be hair twins!_ That’s when she realized she was tipping the scale from tipsy to plain ass drunk. Vilde felt warm and stretched and loose like a pulled piece of sugar taffy. And everything was suddenly hilarious.

Magnus spun the bottle. It landed on Mahdi.

“What do you say, bro? Kiss it out?” Magnus asked.

“Why the hell not?”

The boys met in the middle and quickly pecked while the group hollered encouragement.

Mahdi spun next and it landed on Chris. She immediately blurted out, “Seven Minutes in Heaven please!” and the whole group hooted as they got up to head to the hallway linen closet. Jonas set the timer on his iphone for them.

Eva had been sitting next to Chris so she spun next. It landed on Jonas.

“A kiss for old time’s sake?” she asked him.

They kissed in the center of the circle for a little longer than was strictly necessary. Watching them, Vilde felt a little baby lion cub inside of her mewl and swat at the air like it wanted to bat them apart.

Eva sat back down with a little blush and a smile that made the lion cub want to roar. Vilde told it to shush. It didn’t work.

Jonas spun and it landed on Sana.

“Sorry Jonas, nothing personal, I’m going to do the Magnus selfie challenge. Magnus, has anyone ever told you you’ve got nice hair?” Sana snapped a photo next to the back of Magnus's head and posted it up on Instagram.

Magnus spun next and it landed on Laila.

 _Gosh she’s so pretty_ , Vilde thought. They kissed and Magnus actually didn’t seem as terrible a kisser as she thought he might be.

Laila spun and it landed on Ingrid. Cheers erupted from several of the boys and Vilde thought, _Not cool cliché boy-pervs_. But she cheered along with them as the girls moved to the center of the circle and went tongue-first into a drawn out kiss.

Ingrid spun next and it landed on Vilde. A lightning bolt of heat ripped straight down her center. Then her insides shriveled.

“How about a Truth?” Vilde asked meekly.

“Ok, let’s see. Truth…Do you have a crush on anyone in this room?”

Vilde’s heart started racing but she kept her features as composed as possible.

_No one has to know. It would be so easy to lie._

“Yes,” she said and looked straight at Magnus.

The group caught on and started cheering. Jonas clasped Magnus’s shoulder and Magnus smiled and blushed. Eva nudged her and Vilde willed herself to smile.

_See? That was so easy._

Then Jonas’s phone timer went off and he got up to pull Chris and Mahdi out of the closet. Chris had a beautiful flush to her cheeks and her hair was all disheveled. She gave Eva a high-five as she sat down.

It was Vilde’s turn to spin.

 _Please please please_ she thought but didn’t allow herself to finish the thought of what she was actually pleading for.

It landed on a boy named Shaun, a friend of Magnus. Vilde felt…nothing with a side of relieved. Shaun headed toward the center, coughed and nudged the bottle so it landed on Magnus.

“Look at that, must have been a ghost! Sorry Vilde, I concede this round to the birthday boy.”

Vilde’s heart started racing. _Oh dear oh dear._

Chris started chanting _“Closet! Closet! Closet!”_ and Vilde as much as she loved her dear friend also wanted to smack her.

Magnus raised an eyebrow and gestured toward the linen closet hopefully.

_Ok, fine. Seven minutes is nothing and it will be dark. He’s drunk, I’m drunk, his hair is nice. It’s fine!_

Vilde stood up shakily and almost toppled back over so Eva grabbed her hand and helped pull her up. Her hand was so warm and soft. So _Eva_. She didn’t want to let go.

“You ok, Vilde?” Eva asked and squeezed her hand. She looked at their hands. _Eva’s wearing such pretty nail polish._

Vilde nodded and smiled and headed toward the closet. She snuck a peak back at Eva. Eva gave her a thumbs up and mouthed, “You got this.”

Vilde turned away from Eva and tried to fight back the urge to cry.

* * *

 

The closet smelled overwhelmingly like laundry detergent. Which made sense seeing as it was filled with stacks of clean sheets and towels and household cleaning supplies. Magnus’ apology poster was on the floor, where Eva and Vilde had left it after they'd torn it off the wall. A bare light bulb illuminated the tiny space.

“Do you want this light on or off?” Magnus asked.

“On please.”

Magnus looked at Vilde and she looked at him. He had a softness to his features that would be really quite adorable and attractive to the right person. Sweet eyes, too. Sweet too-eager eyes that were boring into Vilde a little too intensely. The cramped space left her nowhere else to look but the floor. She kicked at the poster with her shoe.

“Actually you can turn it off instead.”

Magnus reached up and pulled the string attached to the lightbulb. It was nearly pitch black except for the band of light under the door. Vilde was suddenly hyper aware of Magnus’s breathing and his body-spray smell. _Too close, too dark._

“Sorry on again, please?” she asked.

He clicked the light back on.

“Sorry again about before,” he said.

“It was nothing, really. I overreacted.”

“No, it was stupid. I can’t believe I can be such an ass sometimes. I think you look really pretty tonight.”

“You do?”

“Duh.”

Vilde smiled and looked up at him. She was dizzy and anxious and her tummy was loopty-looing so she braced herself on the side of a stack of towels, covering her mouth just in case she got nauseous.

Magnus reached out to steady her. “You ok?”

She nodded. “Sorry, I don’t like tight spaces, I get terrible claustrophobia,” she lied.

“Oh jeez, I didn’t know that. Are you ok in here? Do you want to go back outside?”

Yes she did. But he was holding her steady in his arms. That was romantic, right? She might as well get this over with.

“No, let’s stay. You can kiss me now if you want to,” she said.

“Huh? What? I’m not kissing you, Vilde.”

“Why not?”

“I like you too much to kiss you right now.”

“Oh.”

“What kind of guy would kiss a girl about to pass out from claustrophobia? You gotta give me more credit than that.”

She smiled in spite of herself. “Thanks, I'll try. I mean, I will.”

“You sure you’re ok in here?”

“I think so.”

They didn’t speak for a little bit. The wave of Vilde's dizziness passed, leaving a stagnant pool of awkward silence in its wake.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you all night, what does 'Crows Before Hoes' mean?” she asked, pointing to the slogan on his worn in t-shirt.

“You’re kidding, right?”

She shook her head.

“Jon Snow? _Game of Thrones_? The Night's Watch? None of that rings a bell?”

“Sorry I hate that show!”

Magnus made a noise somewhere between a squawk and a squeak, “Huh?? What??”

“Ew it’s way too gory and bloody and blech. And the brother and sister do _incest_ , don’t they?”

“Listen, Jamie and Cersei have a very complex and nuanced…I mean, yes, it’s incest, which, yes, gross, and yes their son is basically the devil incarnate but…Jamie's hand gets chopped off so he deserves some sympathy, ya know? And he actually really loves her in this totally fucked up way? Even though he hates her and he hates himself for loving her? Ok, fine, yes, it’s a fucked up relationship. But still there’s no better show on television, _hands_ down. Get it? Get it?” Magnus nudged her and she groaned and smiled at his terrible pun.

He continued, “So no _Game of Thrones_ , huh? I’m actually glad I found this out now. Phew I really dodged a bullet.”

“What bullet?”

“I’m going to name my first-born son Khal Drogo. Khal Drogo Fossbakken has a nice ring to it, right? So my future wife will have to be a big time _Game of Thrones_ fan, obviously.”

“Good luck finding a woman who will agree to naming your kid—what was that again? ‘Call Dragon’? Is that, like, one of the pretty dragon lady’s pets or something?”

“Ah-ha! So you do know about the show! And ‘the pretty dragon lady’—aka Daenerys aka Khaleesi aka the most beautiful woman to ever walk the earth—she marries Khal Drogo, king of badasses.”

“Yeah, I remember that. He’s all buff and into horses?”

“You said you didn’t watch the show! Lying vixen!”

“Ok fine, Eva loves it and she convinced me to watch some of the scenes with her. But not the icky and violent ones.”

“So that leaves like what…the boring political stuff and sex scenes.”

“Pretty much. Those aren't so bad.”

They both laughed.

“So if you’re not a _Game of Thrones_ fan, what do you like?”

“Well… _Once Upon a Time_ , all the _Housewives_ shows, _Great British Bake-Off_ and  _Hele Norge baker,_ _Grey’s Anatomy_ , _Pretty Little Liars, Paradise Hotel, Emmerdale_ (hashtag robron!) and _Ellen_.”

“Ok I have never seen any of those shows.”

“You've never seen _Ellen_? That is a total lie, everyone has seen at least a clip or two from _Ellen_. All the little kid performers she brings on are amazing!"

"Nope, sorry."

"Wow."

"Wow yourself," Magnus said and gave her a teasing jab. "So we really have nothing in common after all. I'm super glad now I didn't kiss you."

She gave him a little shove. "Well the feeling is mutual."

"Ouch. Burn."

"What? You just said you were happy _you_ didn't kiss _me_ , hello?!"

"Well when I say it it's cute and flirty, when you say it it's just plain mean."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be mean."

"I know. I'm just playing with you. But really, are you feeling ok in here? With your claustrophobia?"

"Yes, I'm fine now, thanks. How many minutes do we have left do you think?"

"I would guess...one minute and 17 seconds left. I have a very finely tuned inner clock."

"Me too! If I ever have anything important in the morning — like a big exam first thing or an appointment or a train or bus to catch — and if I'm nervous and think I'll oversleep my alarm for some reason I always without fail wake up three minutes before my alarm is supposed to go off. It's so weird."

"Wow, so your super power is what? Psychic Punctuality?"

Vilde laughed. "I guess so. Though I'd prefer to fly. And what would yours be?"

"Um...well, it's kind of serious, but when I was little I wanted my super power to be able to fix people's brains. Like, cure people with certain mental problems with a single touch."

"But can't medicine and pills do that? And therapists?"

"I mean, like permanently fix them."

"Hmm. But isn't that such tricky morally gray area? You'd be playing God. No super power should take away what makes someone who they are?"

"Even if they're unhappy or a danger to themselves?"

"I don't know. Gray area, like I said."

"I agree. And that's why I don't feel that way anymore. Now I want my super power to be X-ray vision." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Ew X-ray vision is the ultimate pervy super power! Men always use it to look through women's blouses and skirts. Gross!"

"Ok ok you're right. I know! I'd want a little sun to carry around during the long dreary winter months and cheer everyone up."

"That's actually a really good super power. And what would your name be?"

"Hmm...Bam! Little Mister Sunshine Man. Fighting Seasonal Affect Disorder one terrible joke and one cheerful ray of sunshine at a time."

Vilde laughed and said, "Well, you cheered me up just now, so your super power must work. So thanks."

"Anything for you, Vilde."

He looked at her and the moony eyes were back in full swoon mode. The thing was, she actually liked Magnus. He was sweet and caring and funny. But she got no jolt of nervous butterflies when he looked at her. She didn't feel like her world was about to get turned upside down on the most thrilling rollercoaster imaginable. He didn't remind her of the ocean or running in the rain or sitting by a campfire eating marshmallows or stepping out of a warm shower into a steamy bathroom filled with the scent of amber perfume. When he looked at her she just felt...she didn't know what but she knew it wasn't like that.

"Magnus, there's something I—"

She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Time's up, you two!" said a familiar voice. A voice that always seemed to call Vilde home.

"Thanks for talking with me, Magnus. And for not trying to kiss me."

He grabbed her hand. "Yet. For not trying to kiss you _yet_."

Vilde's breath caught in her throat as Eva opened the door with her brilliant, beautiful smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...Vilde this season has been so frustratingly written that it wasn't fun anymore to work on this story and ship her...so sorry to anyone who started reading this and I left you hanging for ages!! But I'm leaving my s4 frustrations at the door and so thank you to anyone who has kept up with this story despite my total snail pace at updating it!! xoxoxoxo


	10. There's Nothing Wrong With You

Vilde saw Eva’s eyes go straight to her and Magnus’s clasped hands.

Eva’s eyes widened. “Sorry to interrupt!”

“Oh! We weren’t, nothing was…”

“No problemo!” Magnus said and began leading Vilde down the hallway, his somewhat clammy hand still firmly holding onto hers.

Vilde wriggled away. “Sorry, I just need to talk to Eva real quick. Bathroom?”

“Is everything okay…?” Eva said with a hint of side-eye at Magnus.

“Yes! Yes of course, everything’s fine. Sorry Magnus, I just need to talk to Eva privately about um…lady matters.”

“Sure sure yeah,” Magnus said and headed back toward the group. Vilde pulled Eva down the hall into the bathroom.

“What’s up? You hooked up, right? Is Magnus a good kisser?” Eva asked once the door was closed.

“Eva keep your voice down!” Vilde frantically grabbed some towels and used them to cover the thin gap between the door and the floor.

“Was I being loud? Vilde, what the hell are you doing with those towels??”

“You know you lose all volume control when you’re even a teensy bit drunk!” Vilde dropped her voice to a stage whisper. “I’m just taking the necessary precautions!”

“I’m not even drunk. Why are you being so paranoid? And those towels are gonna do jack shit to block noise sorry to break it to you. Anyway it’s not like I asked if he has super secret spy codes to dismantle the European Union, just if he’s a good kisser!”

“We didn’t even kiss!”

“Okay…why not?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I just…I lied and told him I’m claustrophobic. We just talked instead.”

“Okay…well that’s fine. No one says you have to kiss him if you don’t want to. Are you still pissed at him about before?”

“No, he was really sweet about that. He’s a really nice guy.” Vilde felt tears welling up and she didn’t know why. “I had a really nice time talking to him.”

“But…you don’t want to kiss him…?”

Vilde shook her head no and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. Her heart was bulldozing its way through her chest and the calf muscles in her left leg started involuntarily spasming. That happened to her sometimes when she was nervous, like when she had to do any public speaking or debating or standing up for herself in an argument. She should have known this was coming, her body betraying her like this.

_Say it say it say it._

She put her head in her hands. She could barely look Eva in the eye, let alone tell her about _it_ , about the thing that had been burning her insides raw for all these long months. _It._ The thing that had been scaring her and thrilling her since the first time Eva had drunkenly kissed her and her body had responded in a way it had never done before or since with any boy.

Eva sat down next to her and put one arm around Vilde's shoulder and the other on her knee. All her muscles tensed and then she felt the same shocking surge of warmth zip down through her body that always happened whenever Eva touched her.

“Vilde, what’s going on? Did something bad happen back there with Magnus?”

Vilde shook her head no and the tears started to flow in earnest. “No, no, of course not, nothing like that. It’s just that…I don’t think I like him like that.”

“Okay…? So now you know you’re not that into him. It’s really no big deal, Vilde. Nothing to cry over.”

Vilde looked up at Eva. She was so beautiful it made Vilde’s stomach hurt.

“The thing is…I mean, the problem is…or, not the _problem_ but…”

Vilde took a deep breath and her senses were overwhelmed with the nearness of Eva, Eva’s hand rubbing smooth circles over her knee and thigh, the smell of her hair, the smell of her skin, the swell of her lips, the tang of orange juice on her breath, the heat trapped inside her, her sex, her bones. Vilde wanted it all, she wanted…

 _Oceans. Campfires. Running in the rain. Amber perfume_.

“The thing is I don’t know if I actually like _any_ guys. Like that.”

“Oh. Okay. Wow. Okay.”

“You’re surprised?”

“I just thought you liked boys, that’s all.”

“I know that I wanted to like them. I wanted it so much. With William, it was like…I thought if I got him to notice me and like me and kiss me and fuck me it would suddenly fix everything that’s wrong with me. But it didn’t.”

“Vilde, listen to me. Listen very carefully: there’s nothing wrong with you.”

Vilde felt tears running hot and fast down her cheeks and now her chin and leg were both quivering and shaking out of her control. Vilde shut her eyes and breathed as Eva took her face in her hands and wiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. Then Eva was holding Vilde in a tight embrace and rocking her gently and running her hands through her hair and telling her _Shhhh, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here._ Vilde let herself be held.

After a few quiet moments Vilde asked in a voice barely above a whisper, “When did you know? That you like kissing girls, too?”

Eva giggled. “After I was drunk enough to stop being scared and try it a few times?”

“Why did you kiss me? In the club, I mean?”

“I thought that was obvious?”

“Because you were drunk?”

“Well, yeah, I was shitfaced out of my mind. But it wasn’t just that. It’s never just that with you.”

Vilde allowed herself a second of hope.

“It’s not?”

Eva shook her head no. “We don’t need to be drunk anymore, if that’s what you want. Is that what you want, Vilde?”

Vilde nodded then smiled so hard she thought she might break. She swelled with a tidal wave of relief and happiness; it spread through her and began washing away the knotted ball of fear that lived inside the pit of her stomach. Then Eva took Vilde’s hands and brought them up between their faces. Vilde gasped as Eva slowly and gently kissed every inch of their intertwined fingers.


	11. Both?

A knock on the door jolted Vilde and she separated herself from Eva.

“Hey guys, it’s us. What’s up? Everything ok?” Chris asked from behind the closed door.

“Yeah just a sec.” Vilde got up and removed the towels she’d placed down and opened the door for their friends.

“You two disappeared. Is everything cool?” Sana asked.

“Yeah totally!” Vilde smiled her biggest smile and peeked a look back at Eva. Vilde was torn between wanting to tell Chris and Sana everything that had just happened and wanting to keep the secret a little while longer between just her and Eva.

“Everyone’s getting ready to leave for the Escape Room. You coming?” Chris asked.

“Um, well. I’ve been feeling a little under the weather today. I think I might skip the Escape Room,” Vilde said and looked at Eva, hoping for some sort of sign about what to do next. But Eva’s face was as inscrutable as the Mona Lisa. “I…um…I probably will just go home and sleep?”

“Yeah I might bail, too,” Eva said and gave a little cough.

“Really?” Sana asked. “Maybe we should all bail and hang out at your place, Eva?”

“Well I think I’m coming down with something, too. I’ll probably turn in early,” she said with a little smile just for Vilde.

“Wouldn’t it be weird if I still went even though you two are actually the ones who are friends with Magnus and those guys?” Sana asked.

“I’m sure that would be fine!” Vilde piped in.

“You sure?”

“Yes, he’s so friendly I’m sure he won’t mind. And they need a smart brain like yours to solve the clues!”

“Aw, thanks Vilde.”

“I’ve been dying to go to one so I’m down, “ Chris said. “Plus I wouldn’t mind being trapped alone again in a room with Mahdi. Damn that boy can kiss.”

Vilde was scandalized. “Chris! What about Kasper?”

“Well, actually….Kasper and I had a talk after the party last night. And…we’re gonna try out something a little more open…”

“You mean, like open relationship?” Eva asked. “But you guys have been so…attached…”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s hard since he doesn’t live here in town so when he comes we spend all our time together and we’re always texting and video chatting when he’s not here. We’re not breaking up or anything, we just want to see if the open relationship thing might work for us.”

“You’re cool with that?” Sana asked.

“Yeah, it was my idea actually. I was feeling like maybe we were getting a little too intense. Like, last night before the party was the first time I’d hung out with just you all in forever. I don’t want having a boyfriend to totally take over my life, ya know? And to be honest I just don’t think I’m a one-man woman.”

Vilde hugged Chris. “Thanks for telling us.”

Magnus approached the door. “Hey, so we’re all getting ready to leave for the Escape Room. You’re all coming, right?”

Eva stood up and placed her hand on the small of Vilde's back and said, “Vilde isn’t feeling well tonight, I’m going to take her home. But Sana and Chris are in! Sorry we can’t join for the rest of the festivities.”

“Damn that sucks. Your claustrophobia must be pretty bad, huh?” he asked Vilde.

Sana and Chris both shot Vilde quizzical looks but thankfully didn’t say anything further.

“Yeah, I’m having a bad flare up. Sorry, Magnus. But Sana is practically the Lady Sherlock Holmes of our group so she’s going to kick butt at the Escape Room.”

“I guess that makes me Lady Watson?” Chris joked and the group laughed and started heading out to the hallway.

Before they got too far Vilde tapped Magnus on the shoulder. “Magnus, um, can I talk to you a second real quick?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

Eva looked over her shoulder. Vilde gave her a small smile and nod and the girls headed back into the main room.

“Um, first off, sorry again tonight was so weird,” Vilde said. “I just wanted to let you know that I really like you—“

“—I really like you, too,” Magnus said before Vilde could get to the end of the sentence she’d planned.

“—as a friend.”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah, of course.”

“No, sorry. It’s just. I don’t think I’m a good person to _like_ like right now. Um, I just have a lot of stuff going on and…”

“No, sure, I get it.”

Magnus looked utterly crestfallen. Vilde realized what a jerk she was for trying to have this conversation now of all times on his birthday! She frantically tried to back peddle.

“I just mean. I like you and I want to get to know you and I think you’re really funny and sweet. I just need some time, okay?”

“I’ll give you all the time you need.”

Shoot! Now she was leading him on again. This was not what she had intended either.

“Also. Um. I think I might like girls?”

Magnus’s mouth dropped open. “Oh shit. Wow. Ok. Ok.”

“I mean, I’m not sure. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Girls and boys…or just girls?”

“Um…both, maybe?”

“Both. Ok. Both.”

“I mean…I’ve always only liked boys, or so I thought. And this whole maybe liking girls too thing is a little confusing.”

“Both. Ok. Wow.”

“I just…didn’t want to lead you on without figuring some things out first. You’re really great, Magnus. You deserve someone who will make you happy and appreciate everything about you.”

“Thanks, Vilde. And thanks for coming to my birthday.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

They awkwardly maneuvered into a hug. But once the hug got going properly Vilde realized Magnus was an amazing hugger. He squeezed her like he was transmitting all the love in his body into hers. His height and his mass felt solid and comforting and Vilde surprisingly found herself feeling a little sad when he let go of her and they broke apart.

Magnus said, “If the liking boys or liking both thing is still in the cards once you’ve had some time to figure things out, let me know, ok? I can work with both.”

Vilde laughed in spite of herself. “I’ll keep you posted?”

She looked at him and he looked at her and smiled.

He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left her to join his friends. 


	12. Pandora's Box

When Vilde thought of the word hunger, she thought of ache, of want, control, limitation. She thought of the gnawing and twisting pain deep inside her and the satisfaction of knowing she was better than that, that her will was stronger than the thrashing stabs of hollowness, the screaming absence. Hunger was always _never enough_ and then _too much_. Hunger was shame, acid, and bile. Hunger was bargaining. Hunger was secrets.

When Vilde thought of the word lust, she always imagined other people, never herself. She thought fleetingly of handsome movie stars, sun-kissed Gucci models in boats with chiseled muscles and windswept hair, fairytale princes, snippets of porn she’d seen, flashes of faceless bodies in dreams. She was never a participant, only a voyeur. She never imagined herself through the eyes of someone who might actually find her desirable or sexy.

It wasn’t until Noora had asked her, “What turns you on?” and she’d balked at first then went along with the game that she ever dared to put herself into one of her own fantasies. There, she was Cinderella without the Prince. She was The Little Mermaid with her Mersisters. She was Aphrodite/Venus, an angel/bride/virgin all in white. She was divine and lovely. With one hand she gave love and with the other she received it. Her light was so blinding she thought it might be able to melt away all the shame and self-hatred she kept stored in the Pandora’s Box inside the pit of her gut. She wanted to open the box so badly. But she kept it locked tight.

Because in the box were these words: _loser, fat, poor, plain, unlovable, ugly, fake, different._ She couldn’t let them out. She needed them to keep her striving and driven, to keep her reaching for the time when everything would be perfect, where she’d figure out how to help her mom, get good grades, be a size zero, get a good job, pay all their debt, find a handsome man to marry, buy a house for herself and another for her mom, have kids, take extended vacations at villas and posh resorts, attend galas and auctions and glamorous red-carpet events, earn accolades and respect in her career, humbly accept awards, travel the world and help people.

It never occurred to her that the words she’d been keeping inside her, repeating to herself since she was a child, were lies. Lies that she thought she needed.

Because Vilde needed them so badly to be true.

Until she didn’t.


	13. Once Upon A Time

The partygoers left Jonas’s place and headed toward the metro. Vilde and Eva said goodbye to their friends and stood in front of Jonas’s house, a little unsure of what to do next.

“Want to go to your place?” Eva asked.

Vilde felt the usual surge of slight panic then tamped it down immediately. “Well, my mom is hosting a dinner party tonight and I think she’ll still have guests over.” Vilde had told a different version of this lie so many times she almost believed it could be true. “Can we go to yours?”

“Sure, of course. Mom’s out of town.”

“I’ve been meaning to catch up on _Once Upon a Time_ …”

“Yeah, we could do that. Netflix and chill?” Eva asked impishly with a little eyebrow raise.

Vilde smiled and bit her lip to keep the giddiness inside her from bubbling up to an embarrassing degree.

The girls walked in silence for a little while, looking at each other occasionally and smiling. Vilde wanted to hold Eva’s hand but didn’t know how. The space between their hands as they walked side-by-side was only a few inches, but it suddenly felt like an insurmountable chasm between what Vilde wanted and what she was capable of asking for. And not to mention if people on the street saw them holding hands…Vilde didn’t know if she was ready for that or if Eva was either. But the urge to touch Eva was too strong. She hooked her arm around Eva’s elbow instead.

“If you could choose a fairytale to be in, which princess would you be?” Vilde asked.

“Are we talking Disney-ified or the original? Because you know the originals usually had super sad endings. They don’t tell you that when you’re a kid. But, like, Cinderella’s sister chops her heel off so she can fit into the glass slipper, The Little Mermaid goes to purgatory at the end, Rapunzel’s prince goes blind. Pretty gruesome stuff.”

“Ack no! Disney only please!” Vilde said and the girls laughed. “I think of all the princesses you’re a lot like Merida.”

“Oh I like that. Merida rocks. But my hair isn’t that red. Or as long and curly anymore.”

“When I first met you I thought your long hair made you look like a mermaid. Like you’d just stepped right out of a painting.”

Eva smiled and Vilde felt a beam of happiness pulse through her. She squeezed Eva’s elbow a little tighter just because she could.

Eva said, “And with your blonde hair I guess you’d be…Elsa? But she doesn’t quite fit your personality. You’re like the opposite of icy. I think you’re most like…what’s the name of the Amy Adams princess in _Enchanted_?”

“Giselle.”

“Yes! You are such a Giselle. Like I wouldn’t be surprised if when you’re at home cleaning your room you start randomly singing to birds and squirrels.”

“You really think I’m like that?”

“You’re the most princess-y girl I’ve ever met! You’re sweet and optimistic and beautiful like her, too. The real world is too ugly and unfair for you, Vilde. You deserve the Disney version.”

Vilde was at a loss for words. They walked for a little while in silence until Eva started giggling to herself.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re going to think it’s weird.”

“What?”

“Ok, when I was a kid I had a huge crush on Simba. Like I genuinely thought he was cute even though he’s a cartoon lion.”

Vilde laughed. “Ok, yes, that’s a little weird. But I’m pretty sure my first crush was also a cartoon, so you don’t have to feel so bad.”

“Which one?”

“Guess.”

“Oh geez. Hmm. Prince Eric?”

Vilde scrunched her nose. “Too brawny. And he’s really not that interesting.”

“Yeah most of the princes are sort of lacking in the personality department. I always thought Aladdin was cute, though.”

“You’re getting warmer. Right movie.”

“The genie??? No. Jafar?”

“Ugh no! I’ll give you a hint. It’s not a boy.”

“Jasmine?”

“Jasmine.”

“I know what you mean…that red outfit when she gets captured by Jafar? Kind of bondage-y, right?”

“Exactly! I’m sorry but that outfit is way too sexy for a kid’s movie!”

“Ok, when we get to my house we need to watch this youtube video of all the hidden sex references in Disney movies. Those cartoonists were real sick puppies. Prepare to have your Giselle innocence shattered.”

* * *

 

They got to Eva’s house and made some popcorn and hot chocolate. The whole time Vilde was abuzz with nervous excitement. Things were different between her and Eva, but strangely the same. They still teased each other the same way and made the same jokes. But Vilde knew that at any moment the mood could shift into flirtation, with the very real possibility of hands on waists, fingers in hair, lips on lips and skin on skin. She just didn’t quite know how or when to make it happen.

They went downstairs and Eva nonchalantly shoved the enormous pile of clothes off her bed onto the floor.

“Wow,” Vilde said. “I might need some rock climbing gear to get over Massive Clothes Pile Mountain.”

Eva laughed. “Yeah we might need to hire a guide for the dangerous trek.”

“These party clothes are a little tight. Can I borrow some pajamas?”

“Sure, yeah, pick anything you want from the pile.”

Vilde chose the Union Jack tshirt and a pair of pajama shorts.

“This shirt smells like you.”

“Sorry, do you want something clean? Does it stink?”

“No, not at all. I like it.”

Vilde normally would go to Eva’s bathroom to change, for modesty’s sake. But tonight she didn’t want to. She sat down on Eva’s bed to unbuckle the straps of the shoes she’d borrowed. Once they were off she let out a huge sigh of relief.

“Wow that feels good. My feet are killing me. How can you wear these things?”

“Yeah I know. They are a unique form of torture. Want a foot rub?”

Vilde’s heart started hammering.

“Um, sure. Yeah, ok.”

“Come here.”

Vilde scooted over next to Eva and swung her legs up so they were on her lap. She wanted this moment to be sensual and sexy but unfortunately her feet were ticklish as heck. Eva started rubbing Vilde’s feet and Vilde tried to suppress her laughter. But she couldn’t help it when she started giggling and had to draw her foot away.

“I’m sorry! That tickles too much!”

“You’re so jumpy! Relax and it won’t tickle!”

“Ok, I’ll try.”

She inched her foot closer and then retracted it again with a little squeal the second Eva put her hands back on her. Eva started laughing, too.

“I didn’t know you were so ticklish.”

“I’m not that ticklish!”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m not!”

Then Eva’s hands were around Vilde’s waist. Vilde gasped and her heartbeat went tearing off in a mad sprint.

“Are you ticklish here?” Eva asked and started kissing the sensitive skin on Vilde’s neck. Vilde’s skin erupted in goosebumps. She bit her lip, shook her head no, and laughed.

“Liar. How about here?” Eva kissed Vilde’s ear and Vilde felt every nerve in her body explode. She couldn’t stop laughing.

“I’m not ticklish.”

“You’re an awful liar.”

“I’m a good liar.”

“Really? I don’t believe you.”

“I _am_ a good liar,” Vilde said breathlessly between Eva’s kisses. 

Now Eva’s tongue was doing something to Vilde’s ear that made every inch of Vilde’s body feel like one of those time-lapse videos of a flower blooming in mere seconds. It was almost embarrassing how good she felt and how much she was laughing. She was almost frightened by the unbridled noises of joy escaping out of her throat and lips without her permission.

Now Eva was kissing the exposed skin of Vilde’s shoulder where her shirt cut out. Eva’s hand trailed down, skimming over Vilde’s breasts, and then she rested it in Vilde’s lap. Eva looked at her to make sure that was ok. Vilde nodded. The pressure was exquisite torture. Vilde groaned so loudly and gutturally she surprised herself. She’d never heard herself make a sound like that before. She couldn’t wait any longer.

“Kiss me, Eva.”

“I have been kissing you.”

“No, kiss me here.”

“Are you ticklish there, too?”

She took Eva’s face in her hands and brought their lips together.

“I’m not laughing because I’m ticklish, I’m laughing because I’m happy.”


	14. Secret Code

Sunday, Oct 30, 2016

Dear Diary,

Have you ever been so happy that you feel like that scene in _The Little Mermaid_ where Ariel is on cloud nine, singing to herself and putting a sea flower in Triton’s hair and her mersisters are like _‘Ooooh she’s got it bad!_ ’ and Triton is like _‘Got what?’_ and the mersister is like _‘Isn’t it obvious, Daddy? Ariel’s in love!’._

Well you probably haven’t ever felt like that since you are an inanimate notebook. But I guess it was a rhetorical question? I’d never felt like that before either. Not until last night.

It’s hard to put to paper exactly how and when everything changed. And why last night was the night that it had to happen the way it did. But everything has. Changed, I mean. Because…

I’m in love with Eva!  
I’m in love with Eva!  
I’m in love with Eva!  
I’m in love with Eva!  
I’m in love with Eva!  
I’m in love with Eva!

If I could, I would write her name out one hundred thousand times. And link our names together one thousand more times. But my hand would probably start to cramp.

I don’t know why I thought love was so scary before. Why I ever thought love was a limited resource, a table scrap. It’s not! It’s an ever-replenishing magical pool. A fountain that never runs dry. The more you give, the more you get. I’m going to try and remember that for the rest of my life. Not just about loving Eva, but Mom, too. And me.

I’d like to tell you all about what happened last night because I never want to forget a single moment of it all! But I know that part of the magic will be in the remembering. Not the clumsy way I try to recount it now. I don’t think I could do it justice.

I don’t know what the future has in store for me and Eva. If this is true love or something else entirely. But it feels like we just invented something new, something for only us, something that only we can understand. Our own secret code.

So instead of telling you everything that happened I’ll just make a list of my favorite words that remind me of last night. Each word will hold a memory I’ll cherish.

 _birthday_  
_sequins_  
_costume_  
_ass-inine_  
_claustrophobic_  
_detergent_  
_confess_  
_friendship_  
_catharsis_  
_princess_  
_lips_  
_lesbian-ish_  
_ticklish_  
_ocean_  
_escape_  
_soft_  
_warm_  
_waterfall_  
_cozy_  
_amber_  
_camp fire_  
_aurora_  
_home_

Maybe looking back in twenty years I won’t remember what any of those words mean. Maybe I’ll forget the key to the code. But right now they are more precious to me than pearls.

Love, me (Vilde)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this story! I think this is a good place to end it? I'll be more than happy to write more Evilde fics in the future! Feel free to message me on tumblr if you have an Evilde prompts or ideas for stories! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> [*my tumblr*](http://fandomlimb.tumblr.com/)


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